Is it your dream to write a memoir? Everyone has a collection of memories and experiences that are worthy of being told… including you! And while memoirs are powerful stories that will change the lives of both the writer and their reader, it’s important to learn how to write a memoir effectively.
This is a piece of your life story, after all.
If you’ve been wondering: “How do I write a memoir effectively?” Don’t make the mistake of thinking that learning how to write a memoir is just like writing a journal entry, or even an autobiography.
In this article, we’ll explain the differences, and walk you through the entire process of how to write a memoir successfully.
Writing your memoir is different to journaling moments or events in your life. If you want your memoir to be successful, you will also need storytelling skills.
Learning how to write a memoir can be a complex, daunting exercise, depending on the subject or topic of your book.
What is a memoir exactly? It’s a story about your life that centers around a certain theme or series of events.
Think of an autobiography as the whole pie, and a memoir a slice of that pie. A memoir covers a certain period or specific events in your life, and not your whole life.
Everyone can write a memoir, but not everyone can learn how to write a memoir successfully.
Success is linked to your “why?” and the subject matter.
For example, if you plan to write a memoir about your years of working as a sales clerk in a retail store, you need to ask yourself what the value of your memoir is going to be to your reader.
If you have a specific and intentional value or lesson to show the reader, then great! But if you’re just telling about your day-to-day activities with no real lesson to be learned, you may want to rethink your memoir.
Finally, you also need to have storytelling skills to make your writing captivating and exciting for the reader. A book writing coach can help you bring everything together into a cohesive, engaging, and inspiring story – while helping you reach all the important milestones of writing and self-publishing a book.
If you look through successful memoir examples, you’ll see exactly what I am talking about. You need to have a mix of storytelling skills and value for your reader to make it big with your memoir.
That brings us to the next important topic of how to write a memoir: the key elements of a memoir.
Every successful memoir has specific elements that contribute to its success, both from the writing standpoint and the reader’s experience.
Now that you have a clearer picture on the exact definition of a memoir (and what makes it different from an autobiography), it’s time to get clear on the important elements of a memoir. The key elements of a memoir are:
Before you get started with learning how to write a memoir, there are some cold hard truths to be mindful of.
Acknowledging the realities of memoir writing will help you manage your expectations and redefine what a successful memoir means for you.
Before you start learning how to write a memoir, you should ask yourself:
What’s in it for the reader?
If you’re not a celebrity, it may not be realistic for you to find instant world-wide success. Getting people interested in your memoir is more difficult than writing a “how to” book. That’s why it’s important to angle your memoir in a way that readers can benefit from.
Is this the right topic?
The subject or topic of your memoir has a big influence on how successful the book will be.
Are my writing skills up to snuff?
Storytelling is important when learning how to write a memoir. That isn’t to say that you need to be a super talented writer to publish a successful memoir, but you do have to use literary elements in your story.
Am I emotionally prepared?
Learning how to write a memoir can be a tremendous experience, but it can also be a daunting one. For example, if you want to write a memoir about your years of abuse in foster care, revisiting the memories may be traumatic.
That being said, learning how to write a memoir about traumatic experiences can be an incredibly empowering and healing process. You just have to be ready for it.
So, now that we’ve discussed what a memoir is and determined that you can, in fact, write one, let’s discuss how to write a memoir successfully in 13 simple steps.
Here are the only steps you’ll need to learn how to write a memoir:
The first step in learning how to write a memoir is determining WHY you want to write it. If you don’t have a strong “why?”, the motivation and determination to write your memoir will be almost impossible.
Tips for discovering the “why” of your memoir:
Even if you are not a celebrity, but your memoir has a powerful message – encouraging, inspirational, motivational, or helpful in some other way – you may find that your book really takes off. But it’s important to have a solid “why” to learn how to start a memoir.
Knowing the purpose of your memoir can help you identify your audience, and as such identify a market for your book. This will be invaluable when the time comes to promote your memoir.
Think “outside the box.” In many cases (especially for a memoir) there could be secondary audiences.
Without proper planning, learning how to write a memoir will take a lot longer.
After your initial questions are answered, you can start the actual planning of your memoir. This can include:
Using a mindmap can be a huge time saver when learning how to write a memoir. You should:
The above diagram I created after doing my mindmap, when I planned my second memoir. This was an A3 sheet, and I then used a pen to build the full story structure of a memoir afterwards.
Expand your mindmap items and make a list (or lists) of the main points of your story. The list can be short answers to the questions you asked yourself.
Because the idea at this stage is to get the ideas down on paper quickly, these can be short phrases or sentences.
This is an example from my second memoir:
Tip: Make notes on your mindmap of what source material (research) you will need. In my list above, I noted (in [brackets]) that I want to find a photo of the camera I used.
With your mindmap and list done, you can now start writing the basic outline of your memoir.
The value of a memoir outline is priceless; as it is when writing any book. With a memoir you will be covering a certain timespan, and events that occurred, and relying only on memory, which can be an arduous task.
Some of the basic questions to get started are:
Use your list (and questions) and start to create your outline.
Every writer is unique and we all have our own best method of outlining.
When learning how to write a memoir, don’t rely on your memory alone. If you have any type of source material, gather this and file it.
This is applicable whether the time period of your memoir covers a number of years, or only a few years. Use the notes you made on your list – you may think of more source material you need as you do this.
Before you start to gather your source material, create a filing system (either physical, on the computer, or both).
If your source material is not sorted and filed, it can turn into an incredible time waster when learning how to write a memoir.
Think of what (and how much) research you need to do. This will give you an idea of how much work is needed before you put pen to paper (or hit the keyboard).
Another thing you should consider when learning how to write a memoir is a writing schedule. This can help you a lot in getting the actual writing of your memoir done within a realistic time frame. Otherwise it can drag on for years.
To learn how to write a memoir smoothly, I cannot emphasise the value of thorough preparation enough.
Full disclosure: We are not attorneys, and do not offer legal advice.
Heed the advice of Nomi Isak, from Los Angeles Editors & Writers Group: “Before publishing your memoir, get feedback from others and, if necessary, consult an attorney.”
Here’s what you need to know to avoid being sued with your memoir: “If your facts will not hold up as 100% true in a court of law, you can open yourself up to defamation. Before you write, make sure to check your facts. You want to know that if you’re writing about something controversial, that you’re not fabricating the truth.”
Tips to avoid being sued when learning how to write a memoir:
As you begin to write, it’s important to identify the common mistakes made by those learning how to write a memoir. By keeping these front of mind before you start writing, and during your writing process, you’ll be prepared to avoid these mistakes as much as possible.
Here are common mistakes when learning how to write a memoir:
As a memoir is such a personal type of book, and relies on memory (or historical source material), I suggest the following writing stages when learning how to write a memoir.
Here are some tips to finish writing your memoir:
No matter how many times you look over your writing when learning how to write a memoir. You’re going to miss errors. Not only that, you may turn a blind eye to inconsistencies or extra details that will bog down your story.
Hiring an editor can help you polish your manuscript to be the very best it can be.
You absolutely do NOT want to spend all your time learning how to write a memoir only to have it flop after launch because of poor editing.
When you start planning how to write a memoir, you will likely have a working title, and that may change, especially after you start writing your book.
This is perfectly normal.
The subject of your memoir will usually determine your title. Look at the titles of the memoirs I have referenced in this series, and notice the titles for the different types of memoirs to draw inspiration.
The right title is important when your book is ready to be published. It can be more valuable than your book’s cover design, although they go together like a horse and carriage. My advice is not to just pick the first title that comes to mind.
A tool I like to use is our free book title generator.
Keep in mind that this is software, and you know the contents of your book best. The ultimate decision lies with you, the author.
While we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, we absolutely do. That’s why you want your cover to be eye-catching, relevant, and professionally done.
Hiring a professional book cover designer will ensure that your book doesn’t disappear in the sea of other options.
Having a big launch team is the secret to getting book reviews on launch day. And without reviews, no one is going to buy your book!
Put together a group of fans, book influencers, coworkers, friends, family, etc who will read your book in advance (for free) in exchange for an honest review on launch day. Having a large launch team is one of the biggest secrets to the early success of your memoir.
While having a launch team is important, it isn’t the only marketing you need to be doing. There are so many book marketing strategies you can implement to ensure that your launch is a success. When learning how to write a memoir, start thinking about marketing early on.
Set up an author website. Work on creating social media channels. Create teasers for your book. Reach out to book stores for book signing events or partnerships. The ideas are endless!
So that’s it! Now you know all the steps of how to write a memoir and all that is left is to launch it! If you a self-publishing your book, it’s a good idea to try Amazon KDP, but there are lots of publishing platforms you can try.
Congrats on learning how to write a memoir!
Now that you know all the steps you need to take when learning how to write a memoir, let’s discuss my top tips for success in the actual writing process.
One part of memoir writing is simply understanding the best way to tell your story. As we mentioned, this is an extremely personal journey, but here are some tried and true tips on how to write a memoir well.
The difference between a memoir and an autobiography is the focus. Memoirs are focused on a particular theme from your life, like learning how to parent or overcoming a loss. Meanwhile, autobiographies condense your entire life into book format.
Think of memoir writing as a couple of letters in the alphabet and an autobiography as a journey that takes you from A to Z. You don’t have to tell your whole story for it to be a good one.
The same rules apply to memoir writing that apply to any other book. The difference is that, when learning how to write a memoir, it may feel more intimate, like writing in a journal. But unlike a journal for your eyes only, a memoir is for an audience. And how you present your story to them matters.
Your memoir is like a puzzle that your readers walk with you as you put the pieces together. Who wants to spend time assembling a puzzle with missing pieces?
The same goes for your book. Before you start writing, take time to carefully plan your story and craft a memoir outline to follow. This will help make sure no details are overlooked so that your readers can enjoy the complete picture.
Not sure where to start? Check out our memoir writing prompts for memoir ideas to get the creative juices flowing – or challenge yourself to a Six Word Memoir writing exercise!
Readers don’t know your story. You do.
If this is your first book, or you’re just starting to learn how to write as memoir, the safest road is to write in an order or sequence that makes sense to the reader. Chronologically.
If you are a more experienced writer and want to use flashback techniques, editor Trish Lockard suggests navigating tenses by remembering that “there must always be a now. You now tell your readers where and when you are in your life, the place and time of your life from which you are writing the memoir. No matter how you time travel, you must always return to your now.”
For either of these examples, having a trusted writing coach could help immensely. You will be able to show them your outline or chapter summaries – and they will be able to provide you with an external, third-party opinion. That’s just one way our coaches love to help our authors!
While it might be tempting to try to humiliate someone who mistreated you in the past, anger and resentment tend to poison even the best stories. They drip from pages like thick sludge, making it difficult to see the story underneath.
Instead of focusing on the message, readers may redirect their attention to the offender’s actions and miss any redeeming value you’re trying to share, like overcoming abuse, tragedy, or heartbreak.
If the theme of your book focuses on resiliency and you spend a third of it bashing a former friend for their poor behavior, there’s a high probability that your words of contempt will overshadow the intent of your book.
Memoirs are a type of creative nonfiction. Although they relay factual life events, they are typically written like fiction with characters, character arcs, a plot, and a point of view. As with fiction, memoir writing should take the reader on a journey.
Veteran memoir ghostwriter John DeSimone suggests that if you want your memoir to be accepted by a wider commercial audience, “using narrative story arcs will be critical to your book’s success.”
Narrative arcs provide a familiar format for readers to follow, increasing their understanding.
When you’ve lived out an event or a set of circumstances, it’s hard to overlook even the tiniest details; however, minutia can make your reader’s eyes glaze over.
Instead of recounting every last detail down to you remembering it was the fourth of July because you were wearing your favorite red, white, and blue t-shirt with the ketchup stain from the previous year’s barbeque, narrow your focus.
Your reader will thank you.
Details matter, but too many details can derail the best of books.
Author Amy Lou Jenkins offers this advice: “While events are important, the emotions and feelings behind those events make a memoir an absorbing read. In first-person writing, the voice of the narrator and their inner and outer journey can create a layered and satisfying read.”
Events are hollow until emotions are attached.
When writing about your experiences, try to recall how you felt in the moment and document it in your story. This focus will help guide the reader into your world.
Exaggerations and tall tales are great for novels and children’s books, but they can sap your credibility when you stretch the facts in your memoir. It should be an accurate account of your life, so any detour from the truth can come back to bite you.
Instead of exaggerating, try to remember that your experiences have value. Focus on the sites, sounds, people, and underlying emotions you felt in the event.
It’s not the size of the circumstances that matters as much as how you interpret them and their impact on your life.
When learning how to write a memoir, remember it is not the same as journaling or a therapy session. While the writing process can be cathartic and healing in many ways, every emotional wrestling match won’t fit into your book’s overarching message.
The final form of our book is everything. Consider a package on your grocery store shelf. The outside and its contents should appeal to the customer. When a manufacturer takes a shortcut, you know. The same goes when learning how to write a memoir.
Even if you’re self-publishing your book (and we absolutely recommend that you do!), you can still get invaluable support by hiring a writing coach, hiring someone for specific steps of your process, and taking a course.
The success of your memoir is not just about your story. The book cover design, back cover synopsis, and interior formatting all matter, so know your strengths.
For example, if you’re a great writer and book cover designer but a horrible speller, hire a professional book editor.
You don’t need to hire a publishing team to create a successful book, but knowing when to pay for professional support vs cut corners is critical.
To the best of your ability, don’t compromise the integrity of your book when you have access to professionals who can partner with you to create the best version possible.
Learning how to write a memoir can be tough, especially when it dredges up a lot of emotional baggage. It’s important to take a step back and recalibrate during the writing process. Reread the draft a few times after you’ve taken a breath and decide how to move forward.
“Treat yourself very kindly during this process. You’re likely dealing with deep emotions and possibly things you haven’t thought about in a long time.”
– Joanna Penn, Serial Author
The first draft is seldom the last – or best – draft. And that’s okay! It’s a part of the writing process for all authors.
This is a tough one because empathy can be a lifeline, but there’s a difference between sharing your story with a close friend and doing so with a thousand people you don’t know.
When learning how to write a memoir, be true to yourself and your experiences, but remember that most of your buyers will be people who don’t know you and are purchasing your memoir for its entertainment value.
Write in a way that pulls readers into your story so they want to stay there.
If you fall into a sea of emotions while writing, that’s okay. Just make sure you wear a life jacket so you can get back to the shore where your readers are waiting for you.
While the memoir is about your life, you want others to read it. So make it appealing.
Writing a book to sell is just as much about the audience as it is the author. When you practice how to write a memoir with your audience in mind, your readers will feel like you are speaking directly to them.
Memoir ghostwriter Amy Suto offers the following advice,
“When starting out, the concept and content of your book reign supreme. You have to write for an audience that is hungry for what you’re sharing and understand what they want from your book: knowledge? Escapism? Most writers forget that they’re writing to be read and don’t think enough about how to entertain their audience.”
Everyone has their own compass for what’s right or wrong. Generally, most people don’t like being told what’s best for them, even if it comes from a good place.
When learning how to write a memoir, if you want to guide a reader to your life conclusions, it’s best not to force-feed them because they’ll resent it. Instead, meet them with openness and respect for other perspectives by sharing your story authentically based on how it impacted you.
It’s better to say, “This is what I went through, what I learned, and how I persevered” rather than turning the tables and trying to force the reader to come to the same conclusions.
Everyone will not always see (or describe) a course of events the way you do. So tread carefully. Unless you have the evidence to support your claims. But, even then, we still recommend that you tread lightly.
Defamation and libel are real, and you could be accountable for statements against another person. Even if what you share is true, if the other party feels they’ve been misrepresented, you could end up in court.
Learning how to write a memoir is hard because you’re so close to the content. But who better to pen the words of your life than you? No one has walked in your shoes or can tell your story the way that you can.
Maybe there’s a reader who has walked a similar journey and will be inspired by yours. Here at selfpublishing.com, we truly believe that books change lives. And you’ll never know if you don’t write it and share it.
Hopefully by now, you can confidently answer the question of how to write a memoir.
So now it’s time to get writing!
If you need more help with how to write a memoir, the team at selfpublishing.com is always here to offer advice. You can make use of our many services for authors, from free outlines and courses, to book cover design, to one-on-one guidance from brainstorm to book launch.
